Ways To DHV Yourself

I had a student request that I write something up about this, so here you go:

Girls will pick up on a guy's value fast, even if she doesn't realize it. Actually, the truth there is . . . she will pick up on his PERCEPTION of his value.

What's the difference? Well, you can take a guy that digs dirt all day, works in maintenance, walks through the sewers, or any of what society would consider "low" value jobs, and that guy can pick up girls right and left . . . if he sees HIMSELF as high value.

On the other hand, you can take a top salesman, an executive, a company owner, or other things that society considers "high" value jobs, and that guy may not BE ABLE to pick up any girls. And that's because he sees HIMSELF as low value, regardless of his accomplishments. Some guys only see the external about themselves and never the internal, where the REAL value is.

When a guy is high value, in his perception of himself, he displays confidence. This confidence shows in a combination of ways.

1. Good body language
2. Smiling
3. Good eye contact
4. Not shaking (barring medical conditions)
5. Being comfortable being in someone's personal space or them being in his personal space.
6. Being comfortable with personal touch, i.e. kino.

Digging in a bit deeper . . .
1. Includes leaning back against a counter, bar, something of that type. This is not as in "holding up the wall" type of behavior. This is, when conversing with/holding court with a group of friends, you are leaning up against said object in what's called the "power position". Body positions could include elbows resting on the counter or bar, arms across your chest (although not preferred because this body language shows that you are "closed off" to the people you're talking to), or in some way having your arms and hands RELAXED. Good body language is opening your BODY to let people know you are WARM and WELCOMING. That you know who you are, within yourself. That you are comfortable with who you are. Legs are placed comfortably apart, not stiff. Head and neck aren't stiff and staying in one place. You shouldn't be acting or feeling like you have whiplash and therefore can't turn your neck.

2. Smiling should be self-explanatory. You curve your lips . . . up, lol. This shows that you are a warm person, a welcoming person, and that you have emotions. Hopefully also that you aren't afraid to express some emotion.

3. Eye contact is a BIG factor in displaying whether you are comfortable with yourself and confident in yourself or not. If you have no confidence in yourself, it'll be almost impossible for you to maintain good, solid eye contact. Especially if the girl maintains eye contact with you for man than 2 or 3 seconds, literally. A guy that HAS self-confidence has NO problem maintaining eye contact. Why? Because the girl DOESN'T intimidate him. A guy that has low self-confidence is intimidated by the girl and therefore can't maintain eye contact.

4. The shaking issue, unless you shake from a medical condition, should be obvious. If you have confidence in yourself, you're not afraid or intimidated by the other person, so you're not prone to shaking. You shake when you're not sure of yourself, when you're afraid, when you're intimidated.

5. When you're not comfortable with yourself or confident in yourself, you're afraid of others invading your personal space. On the other hand, you are also afraid of getting into their personal space because of . . . "what will they think". When you're comfortable in your own skin, it's not such a big deal when someone gets into your personal space because, again, you're not intimidated.

6. Touch is also a major factor when talking about being comfortable with yourself. If a person isn't comfortable with themselves, they normally go to one of two extremes . . . either can't NOT touch other people (seeking the external validation) or they can't touch other people (because they are afraid and intimidated . . . "what will they think of me?"). When you are comfortable with yourself, in your own skin, touch is not a big issue. In fact, it's a natural thing between people. We're not talking strictly about sexual touching here. This is touching IN GENERAL. Touching a shoulder, a forearm, a back, etc. Small touches such as that tell a lot about how a person feels about their self.

All of these factors contribute to DHVing yourself and DLVing yourself. These also stem from Inner Game because it's coming from your perception of yourself.

Beyond these points, you can slip in TIDBITS (not lectures) of GOOD qualities about yourself. Just a small point about you here and there raises your value. Actions that she sees/witnesses while you're with her, if these actions are good and quality, raise your value. Introducing her to your friends (male AND female) will raise your value. You being PASSIONATE about who you are raises your value.

These are general things, in the beginning, that raise your value. Later into a relationship other factors come into consideration as well.

Being High Value

Perception. That's what it's all about. Our value is how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us. And, believe it or not, the two actually work together.

Value applies to both males and females.

There is a fine line here. Crossing this line or staying on the "right" side of this line is the difference between being congruent or not. Being fake or being real.

I've said it before and will say it many times more. I can take any guy and make him "appear" to be a high value, desirable male to hot girls. Of course, this is their initial perception of him. If it's not a real perception, but one for the moment, they will see through it before long and that value, and attraction, will go away.

It works the same with girls. A girl can "appear" to be more desirable, more sexy, than she normally is, and therefore have more guys hitting on her. However, if this isn't the true nature of the girl, the guy will eventually see through the front.

Here's what I think confuses a lot of people. We need to create an impression of high value if you want the opposite sex to be attracted to you. However, some look at this as being fake or manipulation. It's only fake or manipulation if you're putting up a false front. You can present yourself as high value without putting up a front of being someone you aren't.

Here's something else I talk about literally all the time. It's your inner confidence or what we call inner game. With both guys and girls, you need to be confident in who you are.

So, how do you present an image of being high value regardless of what you do for a living? After all, we do live in a superficial society that looks at your external status to show what value you really are. You bring out the proper elements of who YOU are.

I'll use myself as an example. For anyone that really knows me, one of the first things they say is that I'm the bad boy, the rebel. I go against the grain of society. I don't take people's shit. I'm normally looked at as a person that you don't want to mess with. However, I'm a complex person. This is what you see on the surface. It's partially what's underneath the surface, but not all of it. I also know a bit about computers and too many girls I've been involved with come to me for computer help. Then they brag to their friends about it, which has led to other work. They start to see some intelligence, rather than just the bad boy exterior. Then there's a part of me that's a parent. So I take care of all my boys, show them love and attention when I can, help them with things, talk to them, etc. Then there's the writer in me. Normally when a girl finds out that I have book projects in the works and am spending some heavy time on one of them, they start getting really curious about this book and want to read it. It shows another side of me that's not visible on the surface. Once they read the book, if I let them, they see something that actually does fit the bad boy exterior but still shows a more complex interior. Then, when they find out that I teach other guys and girls how to be sexy and how to handle the opposite sex they are extremely intrigued. You see, ALL of this builds value. The initial attraction is built quickly and therefore some value. Once they start digging underneath the surface they start uncovering a lot more value.

Of course there are other aspects of me as well that I've dropped here and there that I won't get into right now. These are all little details that add to my value they already see initially. None of it is incongruent, but it's an interesting puzzle the way it all fits together.

This is what each of us needs to do. Find the part of us that we want to present to the world, to the opposite sex to be more precise. That's one part of us. That's the first impression. It needs to be a true part of you though, not something made up for a false front. My bad boy exterior is a true part of me internally because I do go against the grain of society. I do rebel. I do rattle feathers and shake things up with people in higher societal authority than me. Some don't like this part of me, some love it. I'm polarizing. Oh well, that's me. Some look at me as a mover and shaker, others look at me as a trouble maker. It's the real me. What part of you do you want, or need, to show to the opposite sex? Here's a hint . . . find the most attractive part of you, that's what you show on the surface. For me it's natural to have the bad boy image to show on the exterior. Even when I try to look like a prep or like a middle class guy it doesn't fit me because of my attitude. I do live like I'm middle class, but I don't look like it.

Show your high value that you already have. Show the part of you on the surface that is attractive and shows your true value, the true part of who you are. Don't be fake about it.

Let the opposite sex dig a bit to find the other parts of you. Leave a bit of mystery so the other person has something to learn about you.

First you have to understand what YOUR perception of YOURSELF is. How YOU see YOURSELF goes a LONG way toward how others see you. If you see yourself as being weak, being insecure (even a little bit), being in "low demand", lacking confidence, not being sexual or knowing much about performing sexually, not having friends, not being good at making friends, etc., how do you think others will perceive you?

On the other hand, if you see yourself as being confident, as KNOWING your good at things and what those things are, as being secure in who you are, as being a strong person, as being in "high demand", as having friends and being able to make friends, etc., again guess how others will see you.

Now, sure, we all have weaknesses and have weak times. That doesn't mean you aren't a valuable person. It just means you're human.

You see, if you act macho for a guy or snooty for a girl, you are NOT seen as Mr. Alpha or Mrs. I'mTheShit, instead you're seen as overcompensating and therefore very insecure. It's not hard for someone with even a little bit of social ability to see through that veneer.

There's a balance. You're human, so let the humanness show through. You can be confident yet still be insecure at times. No one, NO ONE is completely confident 100% of the time. That doesn't take away from your overall value. Now, when you're insecure most of the time, that DOES take away from your overall value.

This is why inner game is so important. You have to know who you are first and foremost. You have to know your own value. Only then can you present your value, your true value, to the world and to the opposite sex.

Once you know who you are, you can present that real part of yourself and accurately represent the real value of you, stay congruent with yourself because you are being true to yourself, attract the opposite sex, and be "real" with the world as well.